By: Kokopelli Warrior Nov 2024
As of now, I’ve been participating in A Gathering of Men (AGOM) for over 5 years. I believe I found the group in Sept 2018 and went through formal initiation August 2019.
I found AGOM quite by accident, or perhaps it’s more accurate to call it “serendipity”.
Going back to the early 1990, as a man in my 30’s, I faced many challenges which ultimately brought me to some dark, depressed places. My mother had recently died in a tragic car
accident (she was only 49 at the time). My job situation was terrible and seemed hopeless. The relationship with my wife was facing the first set of serious problems. Looking back, I can say with confidence, my spirit was crushed, and I was “lost”.
About this time, I started becoming aware of the works of Joseph Campbell, Robert Bly and others who made observations about how Men were facing unique issues trying to live within the norms of our current culture. As I learned more, I found at least a few “answers”, from these “elders”, which helped me “right my ship”.
Over the years, I remained interested in (and increasingly aware of) issues common to Men in our society and culture. Yes, I love and admire women for all their many gifts. But I’ve come to believe Men and Women are very different in how they see the world and how they process thoughts and feelings. I also believe Men in our modern culture are often tasked to operate in near-endless world of “competition”, rather than “sharing and collaboration”.
By Summer of 2018, I was now past 60 and serving in the Grandpa role for my step- granddaughter. On many Saturday mornings, I would drive between Woodinville and Mill Creek, to chauffer her to a local horse stable. And every couple of weeks I noticed a small A-board sign directly outside the American Legion hall. The sign read “A Gathering of Men”.
The sign sparked my curiosity. So, I do a simple web search and sure enough, I find basic information about the group and the schedule of meetings. I make a mental note to stop by for the next meeting, to inquire further and see what this “Gathering of Men” was all about.
I believe it was either July or August of 2018, when I first entered the doorway to the meeting room at about 8:15 on a Saturday morning. I had no idea what I might find. No clue if I’d be welcome or sent away. As best I can recall, I entered the room while things were still being organized and arranged for the meeting. I asked if I might be able to learn more and was immediately welcome by a gentleman named “Gene”.
Gene took time with me, explaining the group and also asking valid questions about my
interest. I was allowed to stay and participate in that monthly meeting, all the time considering myself just an observer.
What I found were a group of men who were serious about supporting each other. The “Gathering” provided a Safe Space where each man could express himself with Confidentiality and Honesty. Thoughts and Feelings could be expressed without concerns for Judgement or Shame. Each man took responsibility for his own problems and issues, so quick, simplistic “Fix It” solutions were not offered. And, the overall feeling was non-competitive and supportive.
I came away from that initial meeting feeling good and wanting to participate more.
In my life routine, I spend many hours alone. Our household is my girlfriend and our dog. Most of my immediate family (and many of my long-time friends) are spread across the country. I am relatively happy, especially in my pursuits, but the friendship and fellowship within A Gathering of Men is an important addition to my life.
Over the months of participation in A Gathering of Men, I have learned a great deal about myself. The catalyst for this self-discovery is often the honest comments of another man, as he tells of an experience or sets an example. This often fuels my self-reflection, leading to my greater self-awareness.
While I am unable to specifically provide a detailed listing of all the benefit and positives of my AGOM participation, I can offer this: I am becoming a better Man, with greater insights, confidence, tolerance, and empathy.
I am also able to share my hard-earned knowledge, wisdom, and gifts – to the potential
benefit of other men. As many Men learn, especially if over age 50, such opportunities are a gift not frequently available in our culture.
For me, A Gathering of Men is non-political and non-religious. I appreciate the Spiritual aspects, especially the Native American traditions that fit to my connections with the natural world. Personally, by various life experiences, I have learned much from Rivers and Canyons and Mountains and Wildlife. Within the group, this is respected rather than questioned.
~ tom – Kokopelli Warrior